Hick From Da Sticks

Friday, March 11

When I was younger, I kept thinking that there would be some magical time when I would suddenly feel "grown up." When I would look like the beautiful women looked on Hugh Hefner's "Playboy After Dark," (the network version, not the cable version), I would go to cocktail parties and drink martinis and engage in social banter. I'd wear little black dresses with pearls and black shoes with stiletto high heels. And bright red lipstick. And I would feel like an adult woman.

I am still waiting for that day.

My hair never did turn blonde, nor did it ever straighten out enough to put into a beehive. Nobody I hung out with ever had a cocktail party, and the one martini I drank tasted like rubbing alcohol. The olive was the best part. When I go to a party, I don't feel like I'm bantering, I feel socially inept. Little black dress? I don't think so - I'd look like a black light bulb. And as for the heels - I can't even do little heels without falling off of them.

Bright red lipstick - can't seem to stay in the lines coloring on that one. Looks like a little girl got hold of Mommy's makeup. Pretty horrifying.

So I don't know why I thought that I'd be able to walk into Neiman-Marcus and look anything like other than what I am. A good old gal from Minnesota, doncha know. I did have it in my mind that I was going to treat myself and buy a purse for myself. Until I got a gander at what the purse prices were. I suppose I should have done some research first. And should have remembered that it has been years, absolute YEARS, since I have paid full price for a purse (thank you very much, various thrift stores!) So I figured that $40 for a purse was really going to be living large!

I will now pause for a moment to let the laughter die down.

$40 can't even get you a coin purse at NM. I never knew that purses are being manufactured that actually cost over $1000! And probably even more!

So I wandered around the store, trying to find a place that had some doo-dad that wasn't too terribly expensive when I happened upon the candy shop. Thank goodness! Got myself a sequined Easter Egg. And George some chocolate. And Matt some imported chocolate.

And the Candy Shop Lady was kind enough to give me a shitload of NM boxes and such for presents. What I'm going to do with them, I don't know, but it was nice of her! Even though she did say it was obvious I was a tourist.........

sheesh

I did feel better when my friend Carol said the letters at the store actually stand for "Needless Markup."

Also felt MUCH better that evening when my friends and I met for dinner at the Dallas Chop House. At first I was afraid it was going to be a high brow, frou frou place, but our waitress turned out to be very down to earth and nice. I have always wanted to try steak tartare, so I did, dammit. And I found out that my palate is not very adventurous, thank you very much. It looked like uncooked meatloaf and tasted something worse. But now I can cross that off my Bucket List of things to do before I die.

The rest of the meal was superb! Steaks one could cut with a fork, huge mushrooms, gigantic potatoes. Yum, yum!

I had to say farewell to my buddies already (their conference was done the next day and they were flying right out), but it sure was nice to spend a little bit of time with them! Hope to be able to do it again! With or without steak!